Doomsday Prepping

Doomsday Prepping

Fresno, and the Central Valley by extension, is known as the Bible Belt of California. And as such, a large portion of the population—whether conservative or not—are obsessed with the end of times. This occasionally creates an atmosphere of panic in the region, which is perhaps enhanced by the sometimes-apocalyptic-looking landscape (which you might have noticed driving on highway 99, a system pocked by shredded tires, overgrown ditches, desiccated trash fluttering by, condemned hovels laid bare by the elements). However, whenever news comes down from an epidemic, natural disaster, or a left-leaning candidate being elected anywhere in the world, Fresnans spend an increasing amount of their time on the pastime affectionately dubbed “Doomsday Prepping.”

Doomsday Prepping has spawned a growing market, and has actually helped place jobs on the market in Fresno, decreasing the dismal rate of unemployment (though it still idles at dismal). On a consumer level, Preppers (as they are wont to be monikered) help stimulate the economy by their purchasing power. Canned goods and bottled water sales have increased exponentially in the area, and purchases of ammunitions and guns has also seen a rise in sales. Also on the upswing are: first aid kits, flare guns, shovels, pocketknives, machetes, chainsaws, gasoline, axes, hatchets, tomahawks, samurai swords, longswords, shortswords, bows and arrows, crossbows, fallout shelters, gas masks, goggles, boots, clothing, disposable dishes, reusable dishes, all-in-one dishware, firesteel, flintstones, generators, socks, gel insoles, paintball gear, SWAT vests, face shields, various protective gears, potato guns, mallets, kunai, and salt and pepper shakers.

You might find the atmosphere to be contagious; and indeed, all visitors are encouraged to get swept away by the Central Valley’s pastime. Central Valley Preppers, the first program in the country designed specifically to prepare for the end of the world, offers several training courses to ready visitors or those newly interested in the field for the inevitable demise of modern civilization. Beginner, Intermediate, Expert, and Survivor courses are offered all year round at low costs. Beginner courses last a period of ten weeks (though expedited sessions are provided for those who feel the end-of-times is more urgent) and offers insight on scenarios for the end of the world, tactics for surviving, beginning self-defense, and lectures on how we rely too much on technology nowadays. More advanced programs offer several types of self-defense classes, including fencing, judo, archery, and ju jitsu, to prepare for any type of post-apocalyptic encounter. There is also a field course and boot camp in which participants are encourage to brave the Central Valley elements and prove they have what it takes to survive the end of the world (all participants must sign a waiver absolving CVP of any responsibility for injury, bodily harm, or subsequent therapy sessions).

All graduates, who are willing to pay an extra fee, are invited to a special (once-a-year) meet-and-greet with Bear Grylls from the famed show Man Vs. Wild. Attendees can watch as Bear jumps out of a helicopter, lands on a busy street, canoes down the canal, and creates a makeshift ladder out of garbage bags floating nearby in the water to reach the platform where he will sign autographs and share stories of survival. Snacks and punch are provided. All attendees are encouraged to buy Bear’s new book Brother Bear: Bear Meets Bear: A Memoir (also available in audiobook, recorded by Mr. Grylls himself).

For less hands-on Preppers, there is also a book club wherein members read a dystopian (seeing as dystopias are a part of the real threat to the end of a certain level of the world; that is, the society in which we find comfort, though general discontent) or post-apocalyptic book a week to discuss the survival tactics employed, and assess what mistakes characters made that led to their ultimate demise. A list of current and upcoming meetings as well as a reading list are available at http://www.literarycirclesurvivingtheapocalypse.com.